“You will suffer a lot if you start blaming someone else for everything that is happening in your life. But as soon as you understand that everything depends only on you, peace and joy will return,”- The Dalai Lama.
The wisest people in the world understood the main secret of happiness well and passed it on from generation to generation. This is rarely talked about, but knowledgeable people use this rule all the time to keep their mental health in perfect order.
The secret is very simple and is called: "The art of forgiving and not holding grudges". To understand it fully and learn how to use it, you need to correctly perceive reality. The main thing is to correctly assess the reaction of others to what is happening, their actions and statements. All this forms a picture of the cumulative experience that a particular person has gained throughout his life.
It is necessary to understand that a person acts in one way or another based on what they have experienced. This is a consequence of their fears and attempts to adapt to the world.
Most of the bad actions that hurt you in some way, were not meant to be like that. This is a normal reaction on the part of traumatized people who are accustomed to reacting in this way to something.
“Yes, all of this is related to psychodynamics. Face it and understand that we live in a world where psychodynamics makes this world move. "
Psychodynamics takes an important place in our life. The world cannot exist without it in the form in which we are used to seeing it. A person who wants to understand the world around them as best as possible has to be able to understand not only religion or something similar. They need to delve deep into psychology. This is practically the same as prayer for a spiritual person. Moreover, the very meaning of the word "psychology" literally means "the study of the soul."
Based on all this, it becomes obvious that there is no place in the world for personal grievances: neither between relatives or partners, nor between children or friends. All this is a projection of life experience that changes depending on the filter through which we observe the world. Each of us has a different form of perception, and as consequencem a different attitude to events.
No, this does not mean that we need to deprive our life of humanity or exclude the feeling of emotional closeness in a relationship. You just have to understand that every time you feel hurt, it means that you do not understand a particular person enough.
In fact, the essence of this idea means even greater intimacy with others, in order to reduce the amount of suffering that people can cause to each other. Once you understand the psychodynamics and circumstances surrounding a person, you can then understand the meaning of their actions and how they perceive life.
You will stop taking everything personally.
This approach helps you distance a little from the negative reactions of others. And try to answer this question: how often do you see a person not as your abuser, but as a victim?
In fact, every time you feel offended by someone, you could show concern and kindness. After all, the offenders themselves suffer, it is helpful to be aware of that.
Any expression of anger, harsh attitude or criticism is a form of suffering. When you stop holding grudges, everything in your world changes immediately.
You don't need to say anything, because sometimes it’s even better not to say anything. People who suffer silently and who do not show it to the outside world do not like getting advice. And you don't have to become a therapist. You just need to understand their situation and move on. In any case, you can dwell on the fact that you can make this world a better place, because you yourself have decided to not experience any suffering.
But mind you, this does not mean that you should allow others to hurt you (when they really have such intentions) or that you should neglect your own interests. This is how true compassion works, without harming either side. If you learn not to "weave" anything personal into the current situation, a miracle will happen: the world will begin to cleanse itself of offenses and those who cause them.
When you begin to realize that violence is generated by external factors, then you will realize that this has nothing to do with your opinion and lifestyle. You will stop feeling offended and will be able to say, "Thank you for the revelation." And then just go your own way. Don't pay attention to what others are saying. You already have an idea of who you are.
Once you can give your inner world more value, you stop letting others determine its meaning. You will begin to take the world less seriously. And if the situation allows you to step aside, then you will do so so as not to bring suffering to yourself or to anyone else. And you don't have to waste time convincing someone that you are a good person.
The biggest problem in our world is that people easily become selfish. Nobody thinks about others, few people care about what others think, what they do or what they believe in. But the art of forgiving teaches us something different.
Learning not to hold grudges is a skill that can take you a lifetime to master. But, this is the real secret of a successful and happy life.
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