In the life of every woman there can be a man who offends her, insults her and makes fun of her.
Psychologists say that the whole thing is unconscious, that we are choosing our partners according to parental scripts or generic programs. All this takes place and sometimes it is obvious. And it happens, difficult things can be explained: for example, a good girl from a loving family chooses a sociopath and gets the whole set of manifestations of the shadow side of her personality.
Many women have a painful, traumatic relationship experience - this is a natural stage in the formation of a woman's personality. It seems like it is necessary to go down and become very humble, to start hating the entire masculine gender, to be disappointed and lose faith, and only with time, realize that it’s not a man’s fault - it’s up to you. You yourself do not respect and value yourself enough. Therefore, you allow him to do with you everything that his wounded psyche is capable of.
You are terribly afraid of loneliness. You can be strong and independent, have an apartment, a car and other benefits, but not be self-sufficient. You yourself feel uncomfortable, you are afraid to be alone.
Yes, you will start finding explanations why you cling to this or that man. But that is not love. This is not about love at all. It is addiction. A terrible, heavy love addiction. When you are together it is impossible, and and when separate, it is hell.
I am sure that love is possible only when you are not afraid to lose your partner. You may be sad without him, at times lonely, but do not panic and feel hopeless. When there is trust in yourself and the world, when you are free from your unconscious, you know that suffering does not make any sense.
You can always refuse to accept that which hurts you, and instead get something better that brings you satisfaction and joy. And you will make the choice consciously, and it won't be influenced by fear of rejection, fear of the unknown, fear of loneliness and other fears.
Once having sunk to the bottom of feelings, having experienced complete loss and breaking into pieces, there is no reason to choose dependence again. It is easy to write this, but it’s extremely difficult to do such a reboot (and for another choice you need a kind of reboot and "reinstalling" your deep convictions and beliefs).
This can take years of loneliness and work on yourself. But there is no other way. And the first step is to end all the torment in one moment, breaking the painful connection. A new suffering from breaking up will begin, akin to breaking up from drugs. Because it was a sort of addiction.
To become a mature, holistic personality is the main task. Once a woman becomes aware of this, she is ready to survive the break-up and start living freely and happily.
(Author: Lilia Akhremchik)
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