"Why are you reacting to insults? We should not pay attention!", you will hear people tell you. But this is not so in reality. A healthy person reacts to insults mentally and psychologically. And then he finds a way out.
The writer Mikhail Zoshchenko visited once a zoo. Back in the old days, zoos were unfortunately a very cruel place. And so the baboons sat in the cage, doing his monkey business. Some bully took a stick and hit the baboon in the face. For him it was so amusing, right?
The baboon became so furious, began to jump and make grimaces. He was hurt. Then a compassionate lady gave the monkey a bunch of grapes to comfort him. And the baboon instantly calmed, sat down and began to eat sweet grapes with an appetite.
The writer was upset and thought about this: if he had been hit with a stick in the face like that and then given grapes afterwards, he would not sleep all night. He would worry. And he would not eat grapes; how can one have any appetite after such an insulting blow? He would have cried quietly into the pillow, would have been tormented with resentment, would have thought of revenge ... But the baboon calmed down and immediately forgot about the blow. This is a strong healthy psyche for the baboon. Some psychologists teach: if they hit you, you treat yourself to grapes and forget about what happened!
But man is not a poor monkey locked in a cage. A person has a sense of dignity, which is why one can insult a person, hurt him and inflict suffering even without a stick. Especially if a person cannot answer the offender and is forced to endure blows every day. You see, a mentally healthy person responds to an insult. He loses sleep, appetite, worries too much, thinks, suffers ... And do not teach him and persuade him to turn to indifference, this is not normal. And to learn to switch attention from an impact to grapes is also abnormal. “So what, if you have been humiliated publicly? You’ve been paid for this and given to eat! ”- these are wrong words. A man suffers after an insult. You can help him this way: to clarify the meaning of the offender’s act. Help develop a defense strategy. Or help to understand: one must escape from the cage before it is too late. Even if the offender feeds him.
And you do not need to underestimate his experience. It is normal to experience feelings such as pain and resentment. After all, it is these feelings that make us do something about the situation, that make us solve the problem, to defend oneself, to look for a way "out of the cage", to retreat to a safe distance ... And the baboon is not so stupid and primitive as the writer thought. He just could not escape from the cage, so he just ate grapes to comfort himself. What else could he do in the cage? He could not escape. In nature where the baboon would be free, the bully would bitterly regret his blow, as the baboon would retaliate. The monkey would certainly give the blow back. And in real life the sadist would regret it. The habit of hitting others will lead to sad consequences.
So feelings like anger and resentment after an insult are absolutely normal for a spiritually and mentally developed person. This is an incentive to look for ways to solve the problem. And to make sure that no one is in the habit of beating you with words or deeds. This is also useful, I guess. For those who decide to spend their whole lives in a cage, it is fear of freedom and avoiding taking responsibility for one' s own life. The cage is safe and sometimes you can get your grapes there.
(Author: Anna Kiryanova)
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